For those who happen to conceive who are not married, being truly pro-life means acknowledging that God has very much wanted to bring something good out of what is, on its face, a less-than-ideal situation.
Let’s stop talking about a pregnancy caused by an incident of sexual assault or a pregnancy caused by an act of extra-marital or pre-marital sexual relations as an additional bad outcome.
The language needs to be done properly in such a situation. The context might not be ideal, but God is here just the same, and look what he’s done: he’s added a person! Some may be stunned, but that’s what he’s done.
After all, God is always in charge. He could have done it so that the miracle of conception did not occur. He could have done it that way. But he didn’t. He’s doing it another way, something mysterious. He’s added some kind of high-point, like the crest of a hill, right in the middle of this valley.
The first step is to admit that we don’t get it.
We want to walk away from the relationship, or the memory of something gone terribly wrong, but God doesn’t let us. Far from letting us walk away, he ties us to that event, and he ties us to that other person, to that person, using
Some innocent, vulnerable, teeny-tiny person.
Let’s admit, we don’t get it.
Why in the middle of this deep and dark valley is there this huge mountain? Why this high point, like the crest of a hill? A new life is always something bright and high and momentous. Why is this crest here?
Let’s admit: we don’t understand.
So far so good.
But now here’s the hurdle.
Can you leave it at that? Can you shrug your shoulders and let yourself be mystified? Can you just admit that you don’t really know why the mountain is there? Can you shrug your shoulders and say it wasn’t what you’d planned without being so darn eager to ‘fix’ it?
Because that’s actually the right answer. It’s actually how you score 100%.
It’s the winner, the home-run.
Don’t you remember those questions?
Don’t you remember those questions in math that seemed to make totally absolutely no sense? You’d look at them sideways, you’d look at them cross-eyedly. Finally, you give up, and you left it blank. Well, as it turns out, you came closer than most. In fact, I’d say, you got it right.
After all, it was a trick question. One of those.
Hardest one in the book. And you got it right.
The answer is to trust. The answer is to say, “Hey, I don’t get it. Don’t know why God’s done this to me. Can’t say I know what a mountain is doing in this valley.”
(The technical way to word this is to say “I don’t know why God has allowed this to happen” but really, God doesn’t mind the wording the first way – where God is directly blamed. It’s a subtle difference in wording that can escape the average person and the blame-God way has some sturdy Old Testament precedents. I don’t think He really would mind when someone says, “Same diff” after the ‘expert’ painstakingly points out that the exact phrase was: “allowed this to happen.”)
So the answer is to just leave it blank. Let be and let live. Let baby come along. Be ready to be surprised. Because at some point, the answer will become clear. It’s the white-knuckle part of the ride. It’s the part where the roller-coaster goes
and you can’t see
You see the blue sky
you see the white clouds
you see the thin tracks
You see that you don’t see
much more than that
You’re on the crest of the mountain
in the dark valley
The unexplainable unpredictable hump
You clutch the thin bar
With your hands best you can
You hear the rattle of your little squeaky rollercoaster car
(When was this built, by the way?)
As it goes up and up
(Did they tighten all the bolts?)
Close your eyes if you want
Or peek if you choose
But trust me
Your best bet
Is to go with the flow
(And keep baby on board)
Go with the flow.
It’s all been
Call it ‘physics’
if you like
Or call it math.
Or call it
(Same Designer behind all of that.)
Say to yourself
What you’d say to yourself
on the usual rollercoaster
What did you say?
You got it right!
“TOO LATE ANYHOW!”
Taken care of
(Just not by you, this time)
Don’t freak out.
You can even let go
What a ride!
My point is that if you’ve been given a riddle by God, just go with the flow. Ignore those who suggest that you ‘take charge of the situation’ if it means doing something wrong to the little one. Right now, the baby is counting on you to stay calm and stay cool. Let everyone else lose their minds, as long as you keep yours. Let your body do what it needs to do. It will make the right choices (the body is a “pro” at choosing life) and you’ll be okay.
Ignore all the voices that scare you, no matter from where they come from. Don’t be intimidated by the lies from the boyfriend or the fiancé or the husband, the parents, society, the well-meaning, the friends, if they say that you can’t do this, or that life will be dreadful with baby on board or that you don’t have ‘what it takes’ to be a mother. All lies. (How many of us would exist if we eliminated from our ancestry everyone who ‘wasn’t fit’ to be a parent? Uh, none.)
And don’t be surprised, in such a situation, when the people whom you counted on to be reassuring are making you feel scared. They have, don’t forget, their own interests, sometimes. It can be the case that your oh-so-perfect-and-popular man is actually a little too worried about paying support in the future or is secretly worried that your figure won’t look quite the same as before. (Yes, it can be as shallow as that.) It can be the case that your parents are embarrassed about how they’ll look in front of their friends at church. It can be the case that your “best friend” wished she had a child of her own and doesn’t want you to be the first. People are complicated. You may see a new side of the people you thought that you knew.
My point is: ignore anyone’s advice if that advice has you doing any kind of harm to the baby. You can be stronger than anyone who gives such bad advice. I don’t care if they’re offering to pay your taxi cab fare to the abortion clinic or to pay for the abortion itself. That’s not the kind of “help” you need. That’s not the kind of “support” that you want.
Find someone who will reassure you, who will support you, who will allow you to trust in God’s goodness to you in your life and will make you feel good about carrying this baby and being proud of this baby, God’s gift to you in this dark and deep valley.
God doesn’t mess up. He surprises, but he won’t let you down. He won’t let you down.
Now I’d say go out there and buy the cutest little baby sleeper that you can find. Hand-me-downs, well, I don’t know. I don’t think that’s necessarily good enough for you and this baby. I think you may need to do the shopping yourself. Indulge, at least for the first outfit. Get the one that you think is perfect and good – and don’t tell the know-it-all that you’re going to the mall. (She’ll wreck all your fun.)
While you’re at it, how about one bib and one super-soft cloth?
You can do this. You’ll enjoy this.
It’s your baby and you’re going for a ride.
Well, you decide, mama.