Dear Jesus,

So it didn’t work out.
As you know.

Why not?
How come?
How come you didn’t make it work out?

You could have made it work out.
You could have.

Or you could have prevented me from caring in the first place.
But I did care and I did try.
And then it didn’t work out.
After I tried and everything.

That’s disappointing.

I don’t like being disappointed.

It feels like suffering.
It is suffering.
I don’t like suffering.
It’s no fun.

And it’s a bit humiliating too.
It would have been better to not have cared in the first place, feels like.

The story-line isn’t linear; that’s the problem.
I do A, then B, and C is supposed to come next.
Instead I get an F.
An F!

F is for Failure.
You know I don’t like getting an F.
I don’t like getting an F.
You know.

I do A, then B, and C is supposed to come next.
Instead I get a 47.
47!
It’s not even a letter.

Lord, why do you do that?
Why do you write the story like that?
What kind of lines are these?
Why didn’t it just go the way it was supposed to go?

It would have been so good!
That’s what I wanted.
I thought that’s what you wanted too.

Or if it wasn’t supposed to turn out, then why did I care in the first place?
Why try?

Now what?

Why is there all this waiting all the time anyway, to figure out what we’re supposed to do?
Why is there all this waiting all the time anyway, to figure out how it’s all going to turn out?

Now what?

What is it that you want of me?

Trust?
Is that what this is all about?

JESUS, I do trust in you.
Let me trust in you more.
Jesus, I trust in you.
Let me trust in you more.

You know how the story ends.
You know how it goes.
You know what you’re doing.

Let me play the role of the fool.
Cast me as the Fool, if that’s the role you have for me.
Like an actor who just wants to be in the play, I’ll take any part.
Give me any part, as long as it’s one you’ve written.

I’ll take it.
I’ll take it.
Even if it starts with F.

Amen.